Discover 9 sex tips for women in long term relationships! Learn how to keep the spark alive and make sure your relationships are happy, healthy and FUN always!
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We've all been there, as much as we read 1000 articles about keeping the fire alive and giving our partner the time of their life, sometimes sex gets BORING.
It’s only when you start finding peanuts rolling around your bed and the only noise echoing off your walls is originating from your partners bowels that you realise that perhaps your sex life has taken a backseat...
And that's okay, a lot of research into long term relationships show that sex isn't priority number one (it's probably not even priority number 10 to be honest).
Also, irrespective of what you think not everyone is "doing it" more than you; everyone's got other stuff going on!
But in case you do feel a bit stagnant and you do want to have a few tools in your belt to heat things up, here's 9 sex tips to help you have better sex and keep your long term relationship awesome.
1. Try Masturbation
I know this seems like a chore sometimes and maybe you’re even a little grossed out by it BUT it could be the key.
Masturbating not only gives you a moment of well-deserved “me time” but it also revs up the engine...
It doesn’t even have to be the start and end of your sexy time either, why not do a bit of self love as foreplay? Seven minutes in heaven with Mr Rabbit will get you all excited for when your own Mr Lover Man walks through the door.
Also- as if you need any more excuses- if stress is the reason your sexual appetite has taken a nosedive then masturbating is said to release endorphins which can regulate your mood.
Masturbation really does make the world go round!
Related: How to Have Good Sex By Yourself
2. Expand Your Definition of Sex
Sex doesn’t have to just mean P in V, you can add loads more activities to the occasion to lighten things up.
A good place to start with this is thinking about what sex means to you?
Why do you have sex? What do you want to get from sex? And then move forward with all of this info in your brain.
You could add to your sex life by having a look through what big girl toys are on offer- a quick Internet surf will get the cogs moving if you’re feeling a little uninspired.
Or, you could take away from your sex- why not agree to only have oral or manual sex one evening? Make the foreplay the main play and see how turned on and satisfied you are.
Thing big, think more, think outside of your box (pun intended).
3. Send a Sext
So your partners at work, you know tonight’s the night things are going to change- the night you stop eating quavers and binge watching The Walking Dead- tonight THE SEX is happening.
But again, how do we rev up the engine? We send a sext that’s how.
Pictures are great, but not really realistic if you’re also at work sharing a cubicle with Kevin the sniffer who keeps looking over your shoulder.
So no photos, instead you send a seemingly innocent text asking him to remember that time you [insert a naughty memory] and he made you feel [insert the worlds sexiest synonym for GOOD].
The foreplay has begun and it’s only 1pm!
4. Have Sex Somewhere New
Rebooting your sex life can be as simple as switching up the environment.
A forest full of wildflowers and bees buzzing would be fantastic but for us mere mortals it can be as simple as another room in the house. Or, you could even set the scene differently by using fragranced candles or wearing sensual underwear.
The change doesn’t have to be crazy, unnerving or even public- just something outside of your usual routine.
Novelty sparks dopamine in your brain and dopamine plays a BIG role in arousal so open up your mind and hop on that washing machine lady!
5. Try Partnered Masturbation
If you can get over the embarrassment and dive right in, partner present and all, this one is for you.
Sometimes when we go off sex we’re still “on” ourselves, so why not use this to your advantage and bring your alone time to your partner?
There’s nothing quite so sexy as seeing your partner take care of themselves- you can learn a lot too- whilst you do you. It’s like your own private sex show starring the best couple you know.
Often within couples masturbation can be a bit of a sore spot too, there can be a lot of shame/ embarrassment/ control surrounding the idea of self-pleasure, so why not use this exercise to bring you a bit more together?
Go ahead, let your partner into your world.
Oh and, in the name of learning what your kinks are, voyeurism might just be your thing.
6. Use Your Fantasies
Just as masturbation can get the juices flowing pre- event, fantasies can get you all hot under the collar in preparation for your partners arrival.
I know it’s hard to think of what you want sometimes, especially when you’re with a long term partner or you’re feeling like you have no oil left in the tank.
So to make it easier, instead of trying to concoct some wild fantasy out of thin air, access some sources of inspiration.
Porn doesn’t just have to be for wanking, it can be for the wank bank too.
Get yourself on the internet and explore what’s out there until something tickles your fancy.
7. Remember, It's Okay to Not Want Sex
If you’re feeling a bit off sex at the moment that’s absolutely okay- we thought we’d tell you this in case no one already has.
Just remember to communicate with your partner about how you’re feeling; it’s super easy when we’re stressed/ overwhelmed/ going through some stuff to bottle everything up. But that sort of behaviour breeds self- doubt, self-hate and self-esteem issues- all the stuff we don’t want for ourselves.
Do yourself a favour- cut yourself some slack and talk to someone who cares about you.
8. Make Sex an Option Again
Remember women usually take longer than men to heat up in the bedroom, so sometimes when the passion vacates you need to put a little effort in to get a little effort out.
Translation: until you start doing some of this sexy stuff you won't feel like doing some of this sexy stuff.
Trying can go a long way to helping end a dry spell.
Make sex an option again- maybe try some of those sexy books I mentioned earlier, or touch yourself OR invest in some awesome self-care and feel like YOU again - then give your sex life a chance.
Don't get bogged down in what you should be doing/ feel like, think about what you want your sex life to be and start from there- make sex a FUN option again, and make it what YOU want it to be!
9. Use Lube- Seriously!
One word- Lube.
Seriously, use lube and it’ll change everything. If there’s one thing that’s going to skyrocket your sexual experiences it’s this bottle of joy!
These tubes of goodness can take a sexual experience from zero to hero immediately. If you’re experiencing discomfort; if you’re on the drier side; if your medication is wreaking havoc down below OR if you just want to make things more FUN.
You need a good quality tube of lube. And I say good quality because your sexual health is not something to mess around with babe. There’s a lot of nasties in lubes that cost 50p from the local market so MAKE SURE you invest in something skin-safe!
FYI: Personally, I LOVE Yes lubricants because they’re all hypoallergenic, PH balanced for the vag, they don’t have any weird tastes or smells AND they’re compatible with all kinds of condoms *safety first*.
Also, essentially, they don’t make me feel like my insides are burning!