Discover the 3 secrets to long lasting relationships! Read all about what SHOULD be doing to ensure long term relationship success.
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We all want our relationships to last, we want them to stand the test of time and go from strength to strength. BUT it’s hard, it’s bloody HARD to keep things ticking along and make sure everyone is happy as much as possible.
When you Google “the secret to long term relationships” the usual suspects come up- quality time, good communication, making sure intimacy remains a priority and both partners being invested.
Annoyingly these articles don’t really tell you the practical steps to ensuring all of these balls remain in the air at once.
For example, they speak about the importance of quality time but don’t explain how you’re supposed to make time for quality time with everything else going on!
Your #1 Tool for Remaining Connected in a Long Term Relationship
In an effort to demystify all these components of a healthy, long-term relationship I created a tool for relationships to check in which deals with everything mentioned above and more!
The Big Relationship Check Up walks couples through simple steps helping them tackle the reality of the “relationship slump.” You're guided to audit where you're currently at in your relationship and set tangible goals that will support you in getting to where you WANT to be.
The main result of The Big Relationship Check Up? You’ll feel CONNECTED and PRESENT in your relationship. You won’t just be in that state of milling along, where your relationship feels stagnant and isn’t a priority AT ALL.
You’ll feel connected to your partner, you’ll be on the same page and you’ll be excited about the future again!
The Importance of Maintaining Your Relationship
Alongside the relationship tools we have on site, I thought I’d share some truths about long lasting relationships that WE ALL (I include myself in this) need to hear once in a while.
These are 3 things you can begin focusing in on TODAY to make a tangible difference to the health of your relationship.
Unfortunately it’s super easy in long term relationships to get lazy and careless. When you’re secure in your relationship (which is an awesome thing) it’s easy to stop making an effort. Your energy and focus can shift from your relationship, and your partner, to other areas of your life where you feel improvement is more significant or necessary.
However progression in a relationship is just as important as any other area of your life; a common reason couples feel disconnected (and even break up) is because they grow apart.
None of us want this so let’s get reading and learn about the secrets to long term success!
3 Keys to Long Term Relationship Success
If you want a happy and long lasting relationship both partners need to be committed and invested.
As relationships are so personal it’s worth asking yourself, what does commitment look like for us? How do I know my partner is committed to me? How do I show my commitment to them?
Often we can think we have this “commitment” thing down but then you realise you stopped showing up a LONG time ago- showing up for your partner, your relationship and your future.
This can happen when we put more effort into working all the hours possible; when we prioritise seeing friends over quality time with our loved one; when we are always looking outside of our relationship instead of taking a look inside.
It just takes a moment to step outside of the relationship to see how invested you’ve actually been and whether you need to improve on this.
Intimacy is so much more than sex, I’ll begin by stating that fact. We often can get hooked on the “need” for sexual intimacy that we forget to ensure we’re incorporating all forms of intimacy into our relationship.
It’s all important- the hand holding, the head strokes, the cuddling, the choosing to sit next to each other, the time alone at night without the kids.
Whatever it looks like for you, intimacy is really important to remaining connected with your partner.
Ask yourself, when was the last time you were intimate with your partner? When did you last feel really connected? How do you show your love and connection to them?
THE BIG C. When I surveyed my audience here the majority of you said communication was an area of contention in your relationships.
I think communication going awry at best comes down to comfort levels (we forget our tone when we’re perfectly at ease with our partner) and at worst comes down to complacency (we don’t care how we sound or the effect we have on our partner).
The first one can be fixed (the second needs more tailored support) with a simple check in.
Ask yourself, how can I deliver this message kindly? Am I respecting my partners boundaries and needs at this moment? How does this sound to my partner?
It sounds floaty but just being aware of how you speak to your partner can have a huge positive impact on your relationship.
I know that when I ask my partner if he could please pick his socks up it goes down a lot better than saying something like, OH YOUR SOCKS? DO THEY LIVE ON THE SOFA NOW?? DO THEY?
You see what I mean? Passive aggressiveness is never a good look.
I walk you through it and show you how to manipulate the tool to benefit your relationship so you begin communicating with love instead of conflict.
The Best Thing You Can Do for Your Relationship Today
To end, I'll just say I know it's not easy to make big changes or assertions about your relationship. It IS easy to read this blog, nod along and think "this would help us" but then slink back into the sofa (no judgement here, I do the same!)
The best thing then you can do for your relationship today isn't to make any big changes or write any long to-do lists it's just to have a conversation with your partner about what you've learned and how you can tangibly move forward.
Ideas on how to move forward in small steps:
Write down all the question's in the points above and dedicate time to work through them together
Schedule a date night where you can check in with your relationship in a intentional way
Read this blog WITH your partner and see what their response is- how should you move forward together? What do they think you could be working on?
Remember small steps add up and you'll feel a lot more motivated if you take one small action right now, than if you make a mental note to make big changes tomorrow or the next day!
Your relationship deserves the attention.